While I had much to say in October 2011, there was no time to blog. My last post was about modern overcomers. This post is a change of pace for me, it is more self-revelatory. I am probing the idea of acceptance. The situation I am dealing with is my husband's diagnosis of renal failure and heart failure. We have gone through being rejected by the transplant team for my husband could not live through the procedure. So here we are with thrice weekly dialysis, frequent hospitalizations, staph infection, surgical procedures that have to be repeated, and the list goes on. This is our retirement. These are our golden years!
I have been here before, faced with having to surrender to thorny situations in my life. There have been many things to accept that were not in my plan at all. Learning whose plan is actually being worked out in my life is not easy. The thing is, I asked for it! I asked God to work out His will in my life; to do nothing more, nothing less, and nothing else. Now, here I am, face to face with acceptance of what must be His plan, His will, and I am rebelling against it in my inner being.
You all remember the serenity prayer, in particular the part of accepting the things we cannot change and changing the things we can . . .and asking for wisdom to know the difference. Believe me, I do know the difference!
Physical illness can be healed, or else, it can be treated. It can be adapted to over time. But, I confess that setback after setback wears away at a person's soul. My faith is intact, but I am so tired of seeing my husband struggle and suffer. I would do it for him, if I only could.
Whenever I pray, I am confronted by the question: Will you lay aside your efforts to cope and just accept how things are and let Me take care of things? Now, if I heard that out loud in a celestial voice, you can bet I would react much more promptly, but it is a quiet voice inside my head. I am wanting to lay down all my efforts to cope and just rest at Jesus' feet. I guess, for me anyway, that is acceptance. Doma
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
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